Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
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