so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
Randomize
