yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize