It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
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