I seem to have left my pride at pride
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
Randomize
