So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
Randomize
