Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
Randomize
