This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
