I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
Randomize
