your parents love me but you hate me
Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
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