I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
Buhtt sex?
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
He better not be in your backpack
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
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