Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
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