nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
meet me or not, i'm out of control
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
Randomize
