I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
im having a threesome with these popsicles
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
Randomize
