i barfeds in our rink
do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
We got so high we made milksteak
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
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