i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize
