I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
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