So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
Randomize
