People are allowed to visit it's just they can't be from Germany and have to wear masks.
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
Randomize
