Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Randomize
