Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
This couple is walking their pig around campus
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
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