Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
Randomize
