Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
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