Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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