Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Randomize
