Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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