Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
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