"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
We named our party play list daddy issues
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
Randomize
