Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
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