did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
Randomize
