my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
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