I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Randomize
