Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
I pour the whiskey from now on
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
Randomize
