Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
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