dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
I have a number of responses, ranging in content, tone, and maturity. Choose your destiny...
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