porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Randomize
