And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
Randomize
