ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
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