hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
how do flat chested girls get laid?
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
Randomize
