The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
Edward fifth and chaser hands
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
Randomize
