areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
if i died would you start the facebook group?
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Randomize
