My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
Randomize
