Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
i believe in u and ur pee
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