I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Randomize
