I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
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