i will never coherently bang her
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
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