she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
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