if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
