I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
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