They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
Bring me that man meat
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
Randomize
